Tuesday 15 November 2016

Life lately, autumn 2016.

So, it's been pretty quiet on the old blogging front for the last few months.

The last few weeks have been the worst.  A couple of weeks ago I had a miscarriage, I was 11 weeks pregnant.  I *knew* I was pregnant since the day I was (I just felt it), so I had nearly 3 months to dream and hope and plan.  We were planning on telling everyone after the 12 week scan, but I've ended up telling pretty much everyone our different news, as I've been such a weepy, hormonal mess.  Miscarriage totally sucks and it's hurty and my heart's broken.  It was a really scary, traumatic experience and I'm really fed up of feeling poorly!  

But.  During those 11 weeks my body did something magic and made a tiny creature (my body also felt very very sick a lot!  And so sleepy.), and I was so happy and excited, and the way I think about so many things changed, and I fell even more in love with my husband.  I wouldn't ever take back those weeks of being pregnant.  Maybe this will be my only, short, experience of carrying a baby, and I don't want to feel bitter about it.  But I wish with all my heart it had turned out differently.  


Anyway, I'm trying to focus on nice, positive things and getting back to some kind of normality, so here's what else I've been up to these last few months,

Watching - all of the Netflix, the new seasons of Arrow and Flash, we saw Dr Strange at the cinema, and very good it was too.

Reading - so much comfort reading, I bought the entire series of Princess Diaries for 30p each in a charity shop, so I've been working my way through them.  I've just started Margaret Atwood's Hagseed too, I love a bit of Margaret Atwood! 

Home renovating - The kitchen cupboards are (almost!) in!  The quote for the stainless steel worktop was £3000!!!! We're going to have a plain white one instead!  Our new massive wardrobe with a slide-y door from IKEA is a thing of wonder.

Weddinging - My mum married her partner last month, ending a 12 month period where my brother, me and our mum all got married!  The wedding was lovely but that's enough weddings for now!

Auntie-ing - I was chief bridesmaid at mum's wedding, my main job being in charge of my neices.  I had a handbag full of distracting toys so each time they looked like they were making a break towards clinging to mum's legs (their location of choice!) I was on hand to offer Peppa pig colouring books/toy mice/bubbles/tiaras/dollies and so on.  Needless to say I didn't see much of the wedding!  


Printing - I went on a lino printing course, I printed a snail, it was so good!  When we sort our garden craft shed we're definitely having lino printing supplies in there!  We were taught by a local artist called Amanda Hillier, check out her prints, we were so lucky to be able to be taught by her!

Playing - a lot of words with friends with my mum! 

Buying - we bought a new mattress, funnily enough husband wasn't happy sleeping on the double mattress I've had since I was 15.  New mattress is king sized and so high I might need to buy a step to help me get into bed!

Being scared - by the American election results!

Working - the date we have to reapply  for our jobs keeps getting pushed further and further back, we'll be in December before we can submit our applications!  I'm doing some super fun freelance writing for a vegan leather brand that I'm really enjoying.

Guiding - My Rainbow Guide unit has closed and merged with another due to lack of adult helpers, I'm sad because I loved my little Rainbow unit.  I'm going to help at the unit we've merged with, hope it's nice there too!

Looking forward to - thank goodness that Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, AND the new Gilmore Girls are both nearly out.  I'm realllly looking forward to both of them!  I can't wait for our traditional visit to Birmingham's Christmas market either.   

Blogging - well, I haven't really been blogging, but I will!  


Hope you've had a good autumn and have been finding lots of crunchy leaves to stomp through and making yourselves into blanket burritos and snuggling up! 


 
 


30 comments:

  1. So very sorry to hear your news Susie. I wondered where you'd gone ! You have a fantastic attitude of looking forward, and I know this won't ease the pain but it will help you to get through this difficult time. Sending (((hugs))) your way.

    ReplyDelete
  2. So sorry to hear what happened. Its happened to so me and so many others, but unfortunately no one really talks about it. Mine took me a long time to recover from emotionally and you probably will have many bad days ahead of you. Eventually I made peace with what happened and plucked up the courage to give things another go. Take it easy, be gentle on yourself, comfort your husband let him comfort you and stay away from Facebook with all those bloody scan photos! xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Helen, I'm so sorry that you've been through this too. Thank you for the good advice, I will keep it in mind. I'm definitely keeping away from Facebook for now, and I've had to delete all the cookies and browsing history on my laptop to try to stop all the adverts for baby things popping up (it's horrible!). I've just had a peep over at your blog, it's so lovely to see you're expecting and I hope you have lots of happiness when your little one comes along :) xxx

      Delete
    2. Thats very kind of you to say. Thank you xx

      Delete
    3. P.s It will stay with you, but it gets easier. Believe it or not I took a few positives from it. If you feel like speaking to a complete stranger on the internet(!) then drop me a email. xx

      Delete
  3. Sending you hugs and love. A difficult time, something that will stay with you but as Helen says, it is something you make peace with, and with time the pain of loss becomes less sharp. xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. So sorry to read your very sad news. Much love. X

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, so sorry to hear your news Susie. My friend had a miscarriage with her first pregnancy, but then went on to have a healthy little boy. Hopefully in time you will have a little one too. It is good that you are trying to look at positives. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's good to hear, I know a lot of people go on to have healthy babies, I hope I do too in the future. Thank you xxxx

      Delete
  6. So sorry to hear your sad news, take care.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Susie. You are so strong to share your sad news with us. I am really so sorry to read this
    I had not told anyone and nor have I blogged about it until now, but about three months back I also had a miscarriage ..but the feeling still consumes you and frightens. As topchelseagirl says there is hope and in time you will have a little one too. You have such a wonderful approach to life it cheers me from afar, its not comfort I know - but there is time for you both x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Shaheen, I'm so sorry to hear you've been through this too, I hope you have lots of support around you and are taking care. Give me an email any time if you want to talk/rant/complain, I'm here. Lots of love to you xxxx

      Delete
  8. I am so sorry, Susie. You are very brave for choosing to think about positive things already. I had a miscarriage in July. It felt like hell, and I still think about it a lot. But as you have said, being pregnant was a wonderful feeling & I'm glad you were able to experience it even if it didn't turn out the way it should have. Hold on. You will make it through this part (though I must admit I don't think I'll ever feel the same again).

    PS I'm sure you have plenty of support, but feel free to email if you'd like. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so sorry that you've been through this too, it really is the worst. I don't think I'll ever be the same either, I'm still very sad, but I find if I don't try to look for positives and try to enjoy at least some of each day then life starts looking pretty pointless and I'd like to avoid that dark path if I can. Thank you for sharing with me and for your good thoughts, lots of love to you xxx

      Delete
  9. As others have said, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. My best friend's baby was stillborn this summer and baby loss reallly isn't something talked about...so I admire couples like you who can share your experiences and raise awareness. There are lots of people thinking about you and wishing you well x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Amy, all my love to your friend and to you xxx

      I can't believe it's still such a taboo when 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. There are so many people that this has happened to that don't/can't talk about it, when talking about it is the only thing that's truly helped me through this (although of course it's fine if you don't want to talk about it).

      Delete
  10. I am so very sorry to hear this. Although it is a common experience it was far more painful than I had ever imagined. We are lucky to have a memorial in our local cemetery for all the babies lost which you can lay flowers on. Even though it's nearly 20 years ago now I've often thought of laying a little posy, but have never done it- I will now. You will feel better later on but I don't think you ever forget. I didn't even though I am blessed with a strapping 18 year old son now. Arilx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aril, I'm so sorry you've also been through this. I love the idea of that memorial, I wonder if we have one local to me, I hope you do lay your posy and it brings you a little peace. My lost tiny baby is actually buried in the garden, I caught him (it? no way of knowing) and didn't know what to do so my husband buried him. I haven't been out to visit yet, but I think I will soon. Lots of love to you xxx

      Delete
  11. I'm so sorry hear this (echoing others) you're amazing for sharing this. A friend recently miscarried and found it so hard that people weren't keen on talking about it so I've passed along the link to this post. Take care. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I'm so sorry for your friend, sending her lots of good thoughts. It's so hard not to talk about it, I can't keep anything to myself never mind something like this, better out than in I think, at least then people know why your upset and don't ask insensitive questions (hopefully!). xxx

      Delete
  12. Sending you lots of good thoughts from me!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh Susie, I am so sorry that you had this horrible outcome to what was a wonderful period of expectation. That baby will stay with you in your heart and I do hope the story has a happy sequel (I won't say conclusion because obviously, this was that baby's tale). My sister had a miscarriage at 10 weeks and she was really sad about it for a long while. What a great idea to dwell on your positives to stop yourself feeling as sad as you might have felt without thinking of the positives!
    My Mum and sister both got married in the same year (as well as other friends) so I had one of those weddingy years!
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind words Kezzie :) Sorry to hear your sister has been through this too, I think I'll be sad for a long while too, but trying to find some happiness in every day! xxx

      Delete

Thanks for visiting!

You can also find me on Twitter @secondhandsusie and Facebook facebook.com/secondhandsusie